The breakdown in the Lockdown

The breakdown in the Lockdown 

The days ahead can’t be guaranteed just like the winter snow that can’t be guaranteed to fall. The plan that I made for the year 2020 and the way it got shattered proves that nothing is going to be permanent. That is a fact and people all over the world must have felt the same way. Right from the morning sunrise to the evening sunset, all the people must have thought of the brighter days to come.  And the situation that got bad turned to worse and became the worst for a lady like me. The story of my life started revolving around it and made me feel weak and sick like never before. Because it happened all of a sudden and all at once, the lockdown and the breakdown at the same time. Corona virus started spreading everywhere over the globe and it’s almost unstoppable. The same time the breakdown that occurred to me just took away all my dreams.

Almost everyone was fighting for their survival and I kept on breaking into pieces daily. “Why all together and why only me?” was the only sentence that I focused on during this whole period. The virus and the breakup and the ignorance all happened together. I cried a lot. Never in my dreams had I seen myself falling into pieces like this. Everyone was busy consoling themselves but there I was standing all alone and fighting back. My only love had left me speechless at that moment. I couldn’t even breathe and it was too suffocating but the only option left for me was to let go. The tears I shed appeared painful and the heartbreak caused me great harm. Senseless and useless I felt when the only close friend of mine went away instead of giving me a shoulder to cry onto. Out of irritation even the expected members of the family appeared like an enemy to me.

All the people I trusted turned their back to me and that was the most hurt I have ever come across. Each and every word appeared like a thorny rose that pricked my heart deep and I can bet that the scar won’t be easily erased. I couldn’t even walk out properly because everyone looked down on me and I was hopeless. I didn’t want to give up and there’s one person that supported me. The only friend I now refer to as my best friend came out of nowhere and inserted hope in me. Her words and actions made me feel happier and stronger. We shared all the secrets and became the best of friends. The solid support and the complete hand she offered was the way to brighter days ahead. 

I once thought that covid19 was terrible luck to my existence but I was wrong because the virus made me recognize who my real friends were. It made me realize which person cared about me and how important I appeared in somebody’s life. The whole virus thing made me discover my true self and I now know my place. I got enough time to know myself and rebuilt myself into a great soul. This time period helped me gain a bestfriend for a lifetime and I was able to let go of something that wasn’t meant to be mine. Though I went through a great loss, I am pretty sure that my gain and the success was greater. This thing called lockdown snatched away my beloved ones from me but it also gifted me with all the positive energy to fight back and never lose hope no matter how hard the situation gets. It taught me that if something is not for you, it can’t be kept in anyway. And not all that you lose are losses.

PS: Dear broken ones, just because you face everything bad at once doesn’t mean that it will get worse, sometimes such experiences let you win your own self back and move forward with dignity and pride. So be brave to face it and may covid19 disappear sooner.

Sonam Lhamo (Skidöl)